I was on the BBC Sussex radio last week talking about children going to funerals - the question was put to me whether they should be allowed to go or not.
Half the country seems to be talking about this since it became a subject of conversation on the Archers.
I said of course they should. Children have a right to say goodbye to the person who has died, they have a natural acceptance of death if they haven't been influenced by the adults surrounding them.
Of course you cannot force children to go if they don't want to - but should allow them if they do
I said we cannot protect our children from losing people they love but we can protect them from the complications that will arise if they are not able to say goodbye.
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Celebrations
Ten days into 2011 and I have celebrated a 21st birthday party, a 60th birthday party and Dawn's return to her family.
All causes to rejoice.
At each occasion I have felt unusually emotional.
Perhaps as I witness more and more sorrow and loss it makes me appreciate the happy and joyful moments more.
We should not forget to celebrate the happy occasions, make the most out of each and every one of them.
So we can retrieve those precious memories when we need them.
All causes to rejoice.
At each occasion I have felt unusually emotional.
Perhaps as I witness more and more sorrow and loss it makes me appreciate the happy and joyful moments more.
We should not forget to celebrate the happy occasions, make the most out of each and every one of them.
So we can retrieve those precious memories when we need them.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
New Year new journeys
A New Year.
365 new journeys ahead.
We don't know where this year will take us, and perhaps it is better that way.
Some of us will have a different voyage and won't be here to celebrate the beginning of the next year.
Wherever your journey takes you, I hope that it is one that is accompanied by people that you love and people that love you.
365 new journeys ahead.
We don't know where this year will take us, and perhaps it is better that way.
Some of us will have a different voyage and won't be here to celebrate the beginning of the next year.
Wherever your journey takes you, I hope that it is one that is accompanied by people that you love and people that love you.
Monday, 27 December 2010
Communities again!
Just returned from 24 hours with Crisis for Christmas the Charity that care for the homeless and house them for 7 days over the Christmas period.
A sea of people with one thing in common - and for many of them that is all they have in common.
But within that week small communities become apparent.
The alcoholics support each other and many came to the centre together, the Eastern Europeans - each year more and more - stay together as a group with a shared language and culture.
Stories emerge of how each each group find ways to support those in their community.
The hardest hit are the more recent additions to the street.
They have yet to build a community and they are often the ones who are suicidal. Who cannot believe that life has brought them to this point. An employer who cannot pay them, a wife or husband who betray or beat them, lives turned upside down in a matter of days and who have no where else to turn.
These are the people who stay with you and you never forget them - always wondering whether they found a way out
We are so dependent on each other. Sometimes communities are tied together by invisible threads only apparent when they break
A sea of people with one thing in common - and for many of them that is all they have in common.
But within that week small communities become apparent.
The alcoholics support each other and many came to the centre together, the Eastern Europeans - each year more and more - stay together as a group with a shared language and culture.
Stories emerge of how each each group find ways to support those in their community.
The hardest hit are the more recent additions to the street.
They have yet to build a community and they are often the ones who are suicidal. Who cannot believe that life has brought them to this point. An employer who cannot pay them, a wife or husband who betray or beat them, lives turned upside down in a matter of days and who have no where else to turn.
These are the people who stay with you and you never forget them - always wondering whether they found a way out
We are so dependent on each other. Sometimes communities are tied together by invisible threads only apparent when they break
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Communities who support each other
Two weeks ago on Saturday there was an unexpected death. Graham, a man who lived in our small very close community. The news travelled quickly and everyone came together to support each other.
It was a community in mourning. A community that cried together and shared their food and ate all their meals together for the remainder of the weekend, so that no one would be alone and feel overwhelmed by the shock and subsequent grief.
A community that travelled to the funeral together, and then celebrated Graham's life with tears and laughing and dancing to the music that he most loved, remembering a man who had been generous and kind and had lived every minute of his 57 years and will continue to live in the community because he is, and will always be, remembered with love.
Dawn is going home and sent a text of thank you to all who supported her through her crisis. A different community spread out over a wider area, but who sustained her with practical help and ‘very real kindness’ so that she could concentrate all her energy on getting strong enough to fight the blood disorder that threatened her life.
We are stronger when we stand together. The benefits of a social group are well documented. Isolation brings loneliness and loneliness brings depression and the downward spiral that accompanies it.
Reaching out to each other is a win win situation. Building a small community whatever that means to you, can only reap benefits. And you never know when you may need to access its' strength.
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Good news and phobias
Yes good news. It looks like, all being well, Dawn is going home on Tuesday. The end of one journey and the beginning of another. The relapse rate is 40 percent in the first year so Dawn is going to learn to live with this.
She is also going to learn to live with giving herself daily injections. Only last week I was half joking with a friend and saying that I was so phobic about having an injection that given the choice between death and an injection I would consider death a good option. My greatest fear is the needle. I am not afraid of death. But Dawn's situation has made me reconsider. How would I choose given her circumstances? I doubt I would choose death.
We all have such different fears. Dawn and her partner have two children, have been together for twenty years but have not married. Her partner has commitment phobia. Realising that he might have lost Dawn has helped him to face his phobia and marraige is in the air.
When circumstances force us to face our fears we have to reconsider our priorities. To allow our fears to rule our lives - or to allow our lives to alter the face of our fears .
She is also going to learn to live with giving herself daily injections. Only last week I was half joking with a friend and saying that I was so phobic about having an injection that given the choice between death and an injection I would consider death a good option. My greatest fear is the needle. I am not afraid of death. But Dawn's situation has made me reconsider. How would I choose given her circumstances? I doubt I would choose death.
We all have such different fears. Dawn and her partner have two children, have been together for twenty years but have not married. Her partner has commitment phobia. Realising that he might have lost Dawn has helped him to face his phobia and marraige is in the air.
When circumstances force us to face our fears we have to reconsider our priorities. To allow our fears to rule our lives - or to allow our lives to alter the face of our fears .
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Good days, bad days
Good days, bad days mean different things to different people.
For me a good day is going to work and training a group that love their role in the care sector and 'get' what I am talking about and seeing the love that they have for the amazing work that they do. At some point during the day we are totally in tune with each other and we all come out 'high' because we have inspired one another to do better in our differing roles.
For Dawn a good day is a day when her platelets are up and her potassium follows. She still has no news about going home, is still positive and is still an inspiration and somehow her good day and my good day are linked by the word inspiration. Not a word often found in the health and care sector.
For me a good day is going to work and training a group that love their role in the care sector and 'get' what I am talking about and seeing the love that they have for the amazing work that they do. At some point during the day we are totally in tune with each other and we all come out 'high' because we have inspired one another to do better in our differing roles.
For Dawn a good day is a day when her platelets are up and her potassium follows. She still has no news about going home, is still positive and is still an inspiration and somehow her good day and my good day are linked by the word inspiration. Not a word often found in the health and care sector.
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