When we know someone is in distress our immediate reaction is to comfort them, perhaps to tell them that things will get better, it won't always feel this bad.
Often we try to 'fix' them, and ask them if they have thought about X, Y or Z.
However, if we really want to comfort someone who is distressed, we could allow ourselves to listen, without judgement, without trying to fix them, without looking for ways we feel they could improve their lives.
An empathetic ear is the greatest gift we can offer - and we have two to spare.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Monday, 21 February 2011
A passion for life and living - can keep you alive and living!
I have just returned from a short holiday in a warmer climate.
There I met a man who has cancer and was given six months to live - seven years ago.
He said when he was told he only had months to live he went to the beach every day and cried.
After a while he decided that instead of crying in the sea he would start to swim in it and he would swim out so far that maybe he wouldn't be able to come back.
Instead of that he found a passion - for the sea and for swimming.
For the last seven years he has spent hours swimming whenever the sea conditions permit - and he makes sure that he is able to get back to the shore.
His passion has not only fuelled his desire to live but it has given him a quality of life he never knew before.
Without a passion we are living. But are we really alive?
There I met a man who has cancer and was given six months to live - seven years ago.
He said when he was told he only had months to live he went to the beach every day and cried.
After a while he decided that instead of crying in the sea he would start to swim in it and he would swim out so far that maybe he wouldn't be able to come back.
Instead of that he found a passion - for the sea and for swimming.
For the last seven years he has spent hours swimming whenever the sea conditions permit - and he makes sure that he is able to get back to the shore.
His passion has not only fuelled his desire to live but it has given him a quality of life he never knew before.
Without a passion we are living. But are we really alive?
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Children and funerals
I was on the BBC Sussex radio last week talking about children going to funerals - the question was put to me whether they should be allowed to go or not.
Half the country seems to be talking about this since it became a subject of conversation on the Archers.
I said of course they should. Children have a right to say goodbye to the person who has died, they have a natural acceptance of death if they haven't been influenced by the adults surrounding them.
Of course you cannot force children to go if they don't want to - but should allow them if they do
I said we cannot protect our children from losing people they love but we can protect them from the complications that will arise if they are not able to say goodbye.
Half the country seems to be talking about this since it became a subject of conversation on the Archers.
I said of course they should. Children have a right to say goodbye to the person who has died, they have a natural acceptance of death if they haven't been influenced by the adults surrounding them.
Of course you cannot force children to go if they don't want to - but should allow them if they do
I said we cannot protect our children from losing people they love but we can protect them from the complications that will arise if they are not able to say goodbye.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Celebrations
Ten days into 2011 and I have celebrated a 21st birthday party, a 60th birthday party and Dawn's return to her family.
All causes to rejoice.
At each occasion I have felt unusually emotional.
Perhaps as I witness more and more sorrow and loss it makes me appreciate the happy and joyful moments more.
We should not forget to celebrate the happy occasions, make the most out of each and every one of them.
So we can retrieve those precious memories when we need them.
All causes to rejoice.
At each occasion I have felt unusually emotional.
Perhaps as I witness more and more sorrow and loss it makes me appreciate the happy and joyful moments more.
We should not forget to celebrate the happy occasions, make the most out of each and every one of them.
So we can retrieve those precious memories when we need them.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
New Year new journeys
A New Year.
365 new journeys ahead.
We don't know where this year will take us, and perhaps it is better that way.
Some of us will have a different voyage and won't be here to celebrate the beginning of the next year.
Wherever your journey takes you, I hope that it is one that is accompanied by people that you love and people that love you.
365 new journeys ahead.
We don't know where this year will take us, and perhaps it is better that way.
Some of us will have a different voyage and won't be here to celebrate the beginning of the next year.
Wherever your journey takes you, I hope that it is one that is accompanied by people that you love and people that love you.
Monday, 27 December 2010
Communities again!
Just returned from 24 hours with Crisis for Christmas the Charity that care for the homeless and house them for 7 days over the Christmas period.
A sea of people with one thing in common - and for many of them that is all they have in common.
But within that week small communities become apparent.
The alcoholics support each other and many came to the centre together, the Eastern Europeans - each year more and more - stay together as a group with a shared language and culture.
Stories emerge of how each each group find ways to support those in their community.
The hardest hit are the more recent additions to the street.
They have yet to build a community and they are often the ones who are suicidal. Who cannot believe that life has brought them to this point. An employer who cannot pay them, a wife or husband who betray or beat them, lives turned upside down in a matter of days and who have no where else to turn.
These are the people who stay with you and you never forget them - always wondering whether they found a way out
We are so dependent on each other. Sometimes communities are tied together by invisible threads only apparent when they break
A sea of people with one thing in common - and for many of them that is all they have in common.
But within that week small communities become apparent.
The alcoholics support each other and many came to the centre together, the Eastern Europeans - each year more and more - stay together as a group with a shared language and culture.
Stories emerge of how each each group find ways to support those in their community.
The hardest hit are the more recent additions to the street.
They have yet to build a community and they are often the ones who are suicidal. Who cannot believe that life has brought them to this point. An employer who cannot pay them, a wife or husband who betray or beat them, lives turned upside down in a matter of days and who have no where else to turn.
These are the people who stay with you and you never forget them - always wondering whether they found a way out
We are so dependent on each other. Sometimes communities are tied together by invisible threads only apparent when they break
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Communities who support each other
Two weeks ago on Saturday there was an unexpected death. Graham, a man who lived in our small very close community. The news travelled quickly and everyone came together to support each other.
It was a community in mourning. A community that cried together and shared their food and ate all their meals together for the remainder of the weekend, so that no one would be alone and feel overwhelmed by the shock and subsequent grief.
A community that travelled to the funeral together, and then celebrated Graham's life with tears and laughing and dancing to the music that he most loved, remembering a man who had been generous and kind and had lived every minute of his 57 years and will continue to live in the community because he is, and will always be, remembered with love.
Dawn is going home and sent a text of thank you to all who supported her through her crisis. A different community spread out over a wider area, but who sustained her with practical help and ‘very real kindness’ so that she could concentrate all her energy on getting strong enough to fight the blood disorder that threatened her life.
We are stronger when we stand together. The benefits of a social group are well documented. Isolation brings loneliness and loneliness brings depression and the downward spiral that accompanies it.
Reaching out to each other is a win win situation. Building a small community whatever that means to you, can only reap benefits. And you never know when you may need to access its' strength.
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